Just getting going-- and loving it!

Hello, all--

I am 36 years old (but don't tell anyone-- I only admit to 26!) and I have had a weight problem most of my life. Well, not a SERIOUS weight problem when I was young, I was just a little pudgy beginning in about 3rd grade. My dad also had a weight problem (his was pretty serious) and he was concerned for me, and wanted me to look my best and be healthy. He would always tell me that I should hold in my stomach, and it seemed (to me, at least) that he was worried that I would get fat. I believed it.

Through junior high and high school my weight fluctuated between size 12-16. I wasn't really concerned about it, and I always ate pretty much what I wanted. My mother fed us whole grains and lots of vegetables, so as a rule, I ate pretty well. I didn't have a lot of money, and we lived out of town a ways, so the "7-11 run" that my kids are into wasn't a problem for me. Not a lot of junk food available, and I always liked pretty healthy food, but still, I have always been a big girl. A strong girl too, I have always put my size off to my "raised on a farm" upbringing, bucking hay and milking the cow.

I got married at age 22 and a size 10. I figured I could be happy at that size for the rest of my life. GO ME!!

But.... marriage was stressful, and pregnancy was worse. My husband regularly told me that he was afraid I would get fat. I rembered my dad was afraid of that too. I believed it. I gained 40 pounds before I got pregnant, then another 60 (no that is not a typo) while I was pregnant. My life felt out of control. I had no idea how to lose weight. I delivered my first baby at 268 pounds. I got right to work, and lost down to 225, but couldn't seem to shake it after that. I got pregnant again about 15 months later, this time only gaining 35 (not sure what was different). After that I worked really hard, and got back to...... 225. Couple of years later, I was pregnant again- this time only gained 25 pounds, but still I stuck at 225. One more time (this time only 5 months later YIKES!!) and I gained 17 pounds, then lost 16. Bringing me back to.... 226. Over the next few years I crept up, settling around 250. I tried numerous food plans, but I have ZERO will power, and I get EXTREMELY GRUMPY when I diet, (not to mention that I had 4 small children and did I mention? a stressful marriage) so didn't make a lot of progress.

I got divorced (marriage is stressful!) and I took a very active job and dropped to 220!! Hooray! Then I broke my foot, lost my active job and got remarried (marriage is stressful!) to an AMAZING man (still stressful) with 4 more kids (also stressful) and gained back to 260. AUUGH what is the point? My husband also has a weight problem, so we bought a GYM pass and 125 sessions with a personal trainer... we went 4 times a week with our trainer for 2 months- DID NOT LOSE A POUND!! OK, I like to exercise, so I go to water aerobics or ride my bike, or take the dog for a walk- and I usually do one of those every day. And I think--- I am OK. I will just be fat and happy, and try not to feel bad about getting the "preferred smoker" rate on my life insurance, even though I have never even tried a cigarette or about not being able to tie my shoes without breathing hard, or about my little boys thinking my mushroom top looks so interesting that they have to feel it every day, or that one of my boys is always telling me about the latest weight loss commercial. But I still wanted to find some way to get the weight off. I secretly wished that I could be AMAZINGLY gorgeous and people would be SHOCKED to learn that I was older than 26, and have 8 (yep count 'em) children!

Then I found Dr. Wright (check out his blog!) and he told me that there is a theory that obese people have a MALFUNCTION in the Hypothalmus gland that makes my body store fat abnormally, and in ways that make it not accessible until AFTER all of the normal fat and structural fat are gone. Meaning (on the off chance that I gain some will power) even if I lose weight, I won't lose it in my stomach first (more likely my breasts-- which was the one part of my body that I could really feel good about!) I started thinking about this, and doing some research. hCG is a pregnancy hormone (it is the one your pregnancy test looks for to get the positive result) so I know that I am not allergic to it, and the CLAIM is that even though you are on a SEVERELY restricted diet, because the hCG is correcting the malfunction, your abnormal fat stores are being released and YOU DON'T FEEL HUNGRY!

Not hungry? My life is one long meal- I am ALWAYS HUNGRY!! I eat every 2-3 hours, and am always thinking about what is next. Now, part of it (give me a break, already!) is because I don't like to face all the HUNGRY PEOPLE at dinner time when I have not thought about it yet... or breakfast, or lunch, or snack... you get the point. So this claim was hard for me to believe. Still, it made some sense. If my body is getting all of the calories it needs by using up the fat stores.... hmm I was going to have to try it.

Once I said I was going to do it, I still took a few days to get into the doctor and get the tests run. Dr. Wright and Dr. Purser ran a bunch of labs, and an EKG to be sure my heart was up to the intense STARVATION diet that I was about to embark upon (how did I talk myself into this? I seriously have no willpower!!) While they are telling me that I am the perfect candidate (over 30, female, with children) I am still somewhat skeptical, but excited as well. Wow, imagine me, a size 9-

All the tests come back good, and we schedule for the demonstration with the shots (Did you say SHOTS?!?!) for the next morning. I learned how to give myself an intra-muscular injection (with a NEEDLE!) in my upper right thigh. I was scared, but once I jabbed it in... I couldn't even feel it. That needle is really thin. (Not like the epidural needle-- I went for natural childbirth because I was too afraid of THAT needle.)

Now for the REALLY FUN PART!!! You have to BINGE (really? Binge?) for 3 Days prior to starting on the diet part of the plan. This is to allow the hCG to build up in your system AND to build up your normal fat stores so that when you start the RESTRICTION part of the diet, you can tolerate it. We had a great time eating pizza, ice cream, cookies, muffins, cheeseburgers, and chocolate, chocolate and MORE chocolate. Ahh the rapture....

So I started getting scared on the morning of the third binge day- what if this is a big joke? Here I am putting on 10 pounds over the weekend, and then.... omg-- what if I can't do it?!? How did I get into this mess? Here I will be WORSE off than when I started...

So I decided to "practice" the diet on day 3 of binging. I did ok-- until the kids got home, then I was STARVING and ate some leftover pizza. Later, panic REALLY set in and I ate 4 cookies, and 2 buscuits, and 3 cups of whole fat milk, followed by dinner. I felt terrible. My head was hurting, I was exuasted within the hour. My husband was worried. We went grocery shopping to get all of the healthy food for the next 60 days. I started thinking about things-- hmm. I know that white flour and sugar are addictive substances, maybe the panic is related to the addiction-- and there are PLENTY of chemicals in our food supply that are also addictive... or so I have read. I am going to assume that this is normal. I gave myself permission to be scared.

Next morning I got on the scale-- I lost 4 pounds. There must be something wrong with the scale, so I laugh it off and stick with the diet for another day. I get on the scale again the next morning (I am surprisingly not hungry) this time, 2.5 pounds. Wow! I stick with it for another day. My friend is so proud of me for or sticking with the diet, but I feel sort of GUILTY accepting all of the praise since I am not exerting any WILL POWER (which I don't have a lot of) since I am not really that hungry. Anyway, day three on the elf food diet, and I have lost 8 pounds! Amazing-- also, my hydration level is going up, and my body fat percentage is going down (so don't tell me it's all water...)